Handling People: Summary

February 2011

in Self-mastery

This is a summary of Part 1—Fundamental Techniques in Handling People—from How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

Part 1 of Carnegie’s book, summarized here, discusses three fundamental techniques for handling people. For my original summaries of each chapter, check out Never Criticize, Appreciation, and Eager Want.

Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.

Why? Because it won’t accomplish anything.

People do not blame themselves for anything.

All three easily happen out of habit, and so it can be hard to catch it when it happens.

Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.

The highest, most important desire is to feel important—to have meaning and purpose in our lives.

Appreciation that is not sincere or honest is pointless flattery.

Appreciation fulfills a person’s desire to have importance and meaning.

Appreciation is easier when you keep in mind what Emerson said: “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn from him.”

Appreciation is easier when you constantly remember all the things that already deserve it; you shouldn’t have to look far to find reasons to give it!

Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want.

People do things because they want to.

People are more concerned about their wants than yours (same for you).

Give people reasons to want to help you and listen to you.

If both sides aren’t benefiting, you’re probably manipulating.